The Relief and Grief of Late Diagnosis

The Relief and Grief of Late Diagnosis

It is so common to hear people - and I say mainly neurotypical people - saying things like: "So why now? How is knowing this going to help you?", "Everybody is on the spectrum", "I know an autistic/ADHD/dyslexic person and you are nothing like them."

It just makes you want to eyeroll yourself into another dimension, right? There are only so many comments like that we can take before we possibly say something and then just get judged neuronormatively and end up the villain anyway!

For me, it was a sneaking suspicion that crept up on me. It was fed by others in my whānau getting diagnosed and also the slippery slope that is perimenopause. My perimenopause journey escalated the demise of my ability to mask and camouflage. It was like watching a veil of gossamer silk slide away and out of my life.

My tolerance for injustice and bullshit was pushed beyond breaking point. I was in full autistic burnout - my capacity to function at a basic level was gone and my lack of hormones was making living impossible.

Working through the perimenopause stuff and the late diagnosis stuff individually is a bitch. Add them together and I liken it to my diagnosis of AuDHD & CPTSD - paradoxically opposed, leaving you in a constant state of conflict. You are trying to manage two significant health-related issues, both of which have huge mental health implications when not managed well, AT THE SAME TIME.

My upcoming book will speak more to this journey of recovering my hormones and going through diagnosis. What I can say is the relief and the grief of late diagnosis is a major part of this journey.

One minute you feel this amazing sense of relief in understanding yourself and how you operate, but concurrently you are devastated for the child you were, the teenager you were, and the adult you were and are. Realising the struggles you actually went through and appreciating them for what they were for the first time is indescribably painful.

The loss, the disappointment, the anger. It's transformative. It's necessary.

Seeking support during this process can help you unravel your thinking and offer ideas, skills and other perspectives that you might not be able to see. Having your whānau (family, community of concern) supporting you is also ideal.

Be bold, be brave, be the strongest person you know.

Going through your own relief and grief journey? You don't have to do it alone. Reach out for support.